“I just feel like I’m not doing enough.”
These are words I often hear from my coaching clients, usually the ones who are doing a lot (raising great kids, running their own businesses, involved in wonderful creative projects, volunteering and being of service, having incredible successes at work). Somehow there’s a disconnect between their amazing accomplishments and their sense of worthiness and awesomeness.
Only this time it wasn’t a client saying these things. To my horror, the words we’re coming out of my mouth! I was having an NDE- a Not-Doing-Enough experience! I was bemoaning my sense of lack of accomplishment to a colleague of mine. It’s a good thing it was a phone call, because she might have pimp-slapped me if we were in person. There I was stuck in old-paradigm thinking. It really had a hold on me.
I was annoyed with myself! I know better and she knew I knew better. Quantity is not quality. We live in a quantum field where things happen exponentially, not linearly. And more than that, I know that my worthiness is not equivalent to my busy-ness. I know that that B.S. (belief system) is a conditioned belief of the capitalist culture I was born into. It’s an ugly by-product of free market thinking. Yuck!
Still there I was, stuck in the muck of not enough-ness thinking. Not to mention that even if I used that old paradigm thinking and the old school formula I could prove it was total crap. If I did the math, so to speak, I could rationally conclude that I was doing great. I’d just booked four new creative and talented clients whose goals and projects I am totally delighted to support and who are already sharing with me how empowering the coaching or counseling sessions are for them. I had also just started co-leading a spiritual workshop with my mentor. Heck, even a year ago I would have been thrilled just to be in a class of this type with my mentor, let alone getting paid to work collaboratively with my mentor, co-leading a fantastic class where I get to connect and support a diverse group of men and women across the country who are committed to walking their spiritual path. Yes, I was also experiencing HIBS! Hole-in-the-bucket syndrome. Ever had that?
It’s a horrible syndrome where all your good leaks out a hole of not-enoughness in your bucket. Total absurdity!
My friend asked me if I saw her and our colleagues as “lazy” or “not doing enough.”
“Not at all,” I said, realizing I had a nasty double-standard for myself and showing again that we often are the hardest on ourselves. I had slipped and fallen into that old paradigm of feeling I needed to justify my worthiness with busy-ness! Doh!
And the silliest thing was that it was brought on by having an extra day off where I didn’t have to do anything or be anywhere for a few hours. I had free time to read, write, go for a walk, or sip a cup of coffee at a café. I had spent years working 60 plus hour work weeks and I’ve designed a life where I never have to do that again and yet, some part of me couldn’t handle the luxury I had created for myself. The free time had evoked a feeling of free-floating anxiety. I was living the dream and I had to undercut my joy by making myself wrong. It was suddenly clear that I still had to work to unlink busy-ness with worthiness. Darn it!
Perhaps you are still under the influence of this stinking thinking too and want/need to clear this old paradigm thinking so you can experience more joy and fulfillment in your life. (Reminds me of my friend and colleague, Suzanne Falter-Barnes’ book, How much joy can you stand?)
If you suffer from NDE and HIBS let me remind you as I remind myself. I am inherently worthy. You are inherently worthy! Your worth is not linked to how many appointments you have in your calendar, your net worth, the number of FB friends or fans you have, the number of books you’ve written, published, or sold, the number of IMDB credits you have or scripts you’ve sold, the number of sales you’ve made, your twitter or Instagram followers, how pinteresting you are, the # of houses you own, the # on your scale, how tight your abs or gluts are, how many marathons you’ve run, how many letters or degrees you have after your name, the number of golden globes or awards you’ve won, or even your kids GPA, etc. etc.
We are worthy! As is! Our lives matter! We don’t have to be better than. We don’t have to prove anything. That’s a hell of a trap! We don’t have to be good or good enough. We simply are!
Yes, we are bombarded with commercials and other messages that would make us think we stink and need fixing, but the truth is we don’t. We are perfect, whole, Divine beings and we don’t need to buy into race consciousness or consumer manipulated notions of lack and limitation. We don’t need to succumb to the ego mind that tells us we are not enough so that we will go outside ourselves to try to fill the insatiable empty ghost with food, booze, sex, relationships, drugs, pharmaceuticals, shopping sprees and other addictive, thrill-seeking behaviors, or even the socially acceptable workaholism.
As George Clooney told the applauding audience as he received his award, “you may as well stop clapping, it will never be enough.” Truer words were never spoken. When we are hooked into our worth coming from the outside it will never be enough.
So, today I recognize and remind myself that I am inherently worthy, nothing to do, nothing to be, nothing to prove, nothing to strive for. I AM and that is more than enough.
#Loveyourself #Iamworthy #Nothingtoprove #Courageousheart