Have you ever felt like you couldn’t go on?

Have you ever felt totally stuck in your life, trapped by your obligations, and wondering how did I get here?

Sometimes we can find ourselves so committed to climbing the ladder and creating the American Dream that we lose ourselves.

We become more focused on how the outside looks and lose touch with our essence. We’re so busy being do-gooders, or raising kids, or being the most successful entrepreneur, doctor, lawyer, creative, mommy-prenuer, whatever it is, that we become totally disconnected from our core Self.

Around 2006 I realized that the daily grind of living the good life was taking me further from my freedom and self-expression, which led to a growing sense of self-betrayal that plunged me into a deep sense of dissatisfaction with the life I’d worked so hard to create.

The dissatisfaction would come in sudden waves of inexplicable sadness or a longing to be free.

One time I was driving home from work and listening to Keith Urban’s “What About Me.”

         I’m livin’ in a world that won’t stop pullin’ on me

         I’m not complaining but it’s true

         It’s like I owe my time to everyone else

         ‘Cause that’s all I seem to do.

         Sometimes I can’t help thinkin’ what about me

         Some days go by that I don’t even see

         Yeah I’m doing everything right and I can’t break free

         Oh is this the way it’s always gonna be

         What about me?

The song’s lyrics touched my aching soul so acutely and deeply.

I was working so hard as a psychologist in a women’s prison to help other people break free of their inner prison’s and helping LGBT people get marriage equality, yet I felt totally trapped by my life. I didn’t have a moment of freedom. I just wanted to go camping. I wanted to stay in bed on a Sunday and drink coffee in bed and read a book. I wanted things to slow down.

My life was on a super highway and I wanted to meander the backroads. I wanted to make a positive difference in the world, but I didn’t want to be a martyr.

I cared deeply about everything I was doing, but my priorities were ass-backwards. I put other people’s needs and priorities ahead of my own. It was unsustainable.

It led to BURN OUT! And BREAK DOWN!

Two years later, in 2008 I quit my government job. I needed to create my work life in a way that was authentic to me. I’d done my best to create groups and programs to help the women I worked with in the prison and in turn the prison did it’s best to undermine those programs and return the focus to guard duty and human warehousing. It was the way the country was going at the time and I was tired of going against the stream.

I got clear how much more energy and joy I would have when I was going with the flow working for myself allowed me to focus on doing therapeutic and healing work and not be called away to handcuff or pat search someone.

I also decided not to work full-time for any one company so I wouldn’t be forced to do anything that didn’t mesh with my values just to keep a roof over my head. I decided multiple streams of income were safer, and the recession ultimately proved that instinct was on target.

Part-time was fine, but full time allegiance to a company that could ask you to do something unsavory, fire you for being LGBTQ, withhold your paycheck (as they did with the government shut down), or lay you off before Christmas to raise profits. No thank you!

This is another reason why I’m grateful for the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) because it meant I didn’t have to sell out just to get health care.

So what do you do if you find yourself burnout, stressed out, stuck?

Call a TIME OUT!

You need to pause the action. Obviously, you can’t pause everything, but you have to PAUSE something.

First, you have to make TIME and SPACE for yourself.

Step off the proverbial hamster wheel.

How do you do this?

You’ll need to look at your specific situation.

  • Take a day off! Do you have sick leave or vacation days you can take? If so, TAKE ONE.
  • Schedule a massage, a facial, a spa getaway. Go nurture your body.
  • Turn off all the devices sweet darlin’, even the old Victrola. Now it’s you just you. Close your eyes. Breathe. Keep breathing. Just breathe.
  • Ask for help. For God’s sake stop trying to do everything yourself You can ask God for help. You can ask a friend. Maybe you’re pulling someone else’s weight. Doing your share and theirs. Stop it!
  • Update your resume. If you’re in a crappy job, start updating your resume. This will give you a chance to reconnect with your accomplishments and get you ready if you need to seek new employment.
  • Make a coffee date. Connect with a friend or colleague. We all need connection. People to talk to. Talking can help us figure things out. I’ll talk about therapy and coaching next. Sometimes venting with a friend or connecting with a colleague can help us find the next step. Sometimes they’ll have great ideas or insights we wouldn’t get to on our own. Sometimes they’ll have leads for employment options, babysitters, real estate agents, whatever it is we might need.
  • Get some exercise. Take a walk, take a hike (not off a short pier). Go for a bike ride. Hit the slopes. Do something physical to get out of your head and to your body that’s been filled with stress hormones a chance to expel that crap.
  • Basic Self Care. Get some sleep, make and go to your doctor’s appointments, and eat some healthy food. When was the last time you ate a fresh vegetable?
  • Don’t indulge in addictive substances. A piece of chocolate is fine, but if you’ve started using wine, marijuana, or junkfood as your main method of reward or coping at the end of the day you’re only adding to your troubles. Instead take a hot bath or shower in the evening to wash the weight of the day off of you.
  • Take off Your f***ing Cape! Stop trying to be Wonder Woman or Superman. I’ll be writing more about this later.
  • Get Support! Make an appointment with a therapist or life coach so you have support. You need support! WE all need support. Get some! Especially if you’re in crisis, depressed, overwhelmed, addicted, heartbroken, suicidal, deeply stuck, conflicted, being abused, totally confused.  Don’t’ try to do it all by yourself.
  • Get a copy of my book It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self.  You need some time to start considering your next move. You can’t change everything overnight. However, once you’ve stabilized yourself, you can start taking steps to take back your life and create it in a way that works for you!

Here’s a link to Psychology Today to help you find a therapist. If you’re in crisis and need to talk to someone now the National Suicide Hotline # is 1-800-273-8255.

In Honor of Dr. King

I was conceived a year after Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was gunned down outside the Lorraine Motel in Memphis Tennessee.

I never met the man. I never skipped school to hear him speak as many  advocates and activists the generation before me did.

Yet, when I stood in that hotel room in Memphis where he had his last meal, now the home of the National Civil Rights Museum, I cried.

Or more accurately  I wept, as I listened to the last speech he gave. It was a prophetic speech. He knew God was calling him home.

I wept because I could feel in his words, and in his presence captured on that scratchy tape, that this man embodied our most sacred teaching-do unto others as you’d have them done unto you.
Dr. King was the leader of a non-violent movement.
He led a movement for civil rights for African Americans, and beyond that he led a movement of sacred reverence for all of life. He was doing God’s work.
Like Jesus, Dr. King stood up for the poor, he stood up against war. He stood up against greed.
He asked the suffering and oppressed to turn the other cheek as they did their liberation work. He asked us to Love our enemies. He was Christ-like and he was crucified.
Today his words still have power. They are still relevant moral, spiritual directives.

 

  • “Darkness cannot drive our darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”
  • “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.”
  • “God never intended for one group of people to live in superfluous inordinate wealth, while others live in abject deadening poverty.
  •  “The time is always right to do what is right.”
  • “The rich nations must use their vast resources of wealth to develop the underdeveloped, school the unschooled, and feed the unfed. No individual or nation can be great if it does not have a concern for ‘the least of these.’”

 

  • “For evil to succeed, all it needs is for good men to do nothing.”

We’re seeing more and more of this evil these days. We see it in the eyes of the young man who stood aggressively in the face of the Native American elder as he peacefully sang a prayer song. And in the eyes of the mob of young white men who surrounded him and made white supremacist hand gestures.

Our country’s values our under attack.

Dr. King said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

Are we going to allow white supremacy and fascism to flourish? Or are we going to stand up for democracy, equal opportunity, equality and diversity?

Today as we remember Dr. King let us not stand by silently. Let us take our righteous anger and channel it into education and action.

Let these injustices fuel our efforts to put an end to the propaganda that fuels the flames of hatred and division against our neighbor. If we are to end the violence we see outside of us, we must turn within and address the violence within our own hearts. This is the Christ-like energy that Dr. King embodied and exemplified and ultimately died for.

We can honor him today by treating everyone today as we would a guest in our home. We can treat our neighbor as we ourselves would want to be treated with dignity and respect.

Baby, I’m Worth It!

Much of what I do as a therapist and life coach is help people find their voice and  connect with their self-love and authenticity.

But often before we can connect with our essential nature we need to clear bramble.

What do I mean by bramble?

The layers of self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, the habit of comparing ourselves to others and finding ourselves coming up short, lacking in some important aspect or quality. That my friend is the bramble of our minds!

We need to rid ourselves of the negative habits of mind and mouth.

We need to put an end to self-attack thoughts, repetitive, self-deprecating and disparaging self-talk, repeated apologies for our very existence.

No more dwelling on the negative. Enough of  finding fault with ourselves, which creates a low vibrational reality.

We need to Marie Kondo our minds.

We need to tidy our minds and leave only that which “sparks joy” as she would say. Thoughts, self-talk, outside talk that sparks joy, sparks confidence, and self-love.

We can thank those old negative thought and speech patterns for whatever purpose they served and then clear them out of our mental space, keeping only the good stuff.  And when we find those old thought forms and self-loathing beginning to fill our mental space again, we can sweep them out the door!

What are the positive things you want to affirm for yourself?

What are some loving things you can say to yourself?

What can you acknowledge about yourself?

Keep at it!

If you find yourself listening to negative music turn it off.

Make a positive, self-empowerment play list. A playlist that buoys you up.

Believe me, Baby, you’re worth it!

Need a little boost?

Get a copy of It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self and learn more about how to take back your life.

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January 2019 Upcoming Events

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Finding Freedom LGBTQ Symposium at The Riviera Palm Springs

Saturday January 26th 10:30 AM-12:00 PM

Workshop-The Psychological Cost of Not Coming Out to Your Kids: How Hiding Contributes to Addictive and Dysfunctional Behavior.

CEU credits for Psychologists, LCSWs, MFTs and more.

Finding Freedom:LGBTQ Symposium

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Follow Your Inner Compass and Take Back Your Life Workshop

Sunday January 27th 12:30-2:30 PM

$35 includes a signed copy of It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self.

Palm Springs Center for Spiritual Living, Palm Springs, CA

Click here for more info:

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Past Life Group Regression at the Salt Studio Pasadena, CA

Thursday January 31,  7:00 PM

Ever wondered who you were in a previous lifetime?
Do you have memories from previous lifetimes or reoccurring dreams?
Met people you feel like you’ve known before?
Come experience as past life regression!

The Salt Studio 1380 Walnut St. Pasadena, CA

RSVP online or call  (626) 765-6180

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“Don’t just rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic of your life, make lasting changes that matter!”

Out of the Box Podcast Episode #121 

It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self

Comedian Rosie Tran (@FunnyRosie) Interviews author and clinical psychologist, Davina Kotulski (@drkotulski) about her new book “It’s Never Too Late to Be Yourself.” Davina talks about the importance of being your authentic self. By using our inner voice as a compass, we can live a life full of freedom, love, and authenticity!

Listen to Out Of the Box Podcast Now

Post-Op and Counting My Blessings

One week post-op and I’m happy to report that the growth is benign and has left the building! I’m recovering, but a terrible patient. More than once I’ve needed to be reminded to take it slow. How humbling. The doctor noted that I will have a little scar on my neck where the incision was and apologized for another circular scar I will have where they had to cauterize a vein to stop the bleeding. I told him that in the grand scheme of things a scar was minimal and I was going to count my blessings. It will take time for my chemistry to recalibrate, so I’m doing my best to be patient for that. Overall, the surgery was a success

Several years ago I was writing in a Border’s bookstore (remember those). I got up for a break and wandered to the New Age shelf as I am prone to and a book literally jumped off the shelf. It was called Your Sixth Sense: Unlocking the Power of Your Intuition by Belleruth Naparstek. I picked it up and flipped through the book. And of course I bought it. Heck when a book jumps off the shelf at you and it’s about intuition you’d be crazy not to. I loved the book!

I loved that book so much I was talking with my friend Chloe about it. Chloe’s face lit up when I said the author’s name. “Belleruth Naparstek,” Chloe repeated with a huge grin on her face. “I know that name. I’ve been listening to her surgery meditations.” Chloe explained that she about to have hip surgery and that Bellleruth had these pre-surgery guided imagery meditations that were extremely calming. After the surgery, Chloe said that she felt the meditations helped her stay calm as she went into surgery and heal faster. I was enrolled!

 

Since then I’ve recommended Belleruth Naparstek’s “Successful Surgery” CD to friends, family member and clients. I recommended it to my client who had a brain tumor removed in January. I recommended it to my friend who had fibroids and I recommended it my aunt who had surgery on her neck and an ankle replacement. And thank goodness I did, because she was the one who reminded me about the CDs when I was told I was going to need surgery.

I bought the CD online and began listening immediately after it arrived. It was calming. Her form of self-hypnosis with guided imagery helped me to connect with that calm place inside of myself and it helped create a sense of certainty and confidence to deal with the procedure. It also has some wonderful healing affirmations. It really helped me face the experience with positive anticipation.

Moments before they wheeled me into the OR I listened to the three minute demo on my phone. I’m including a link here for you to listen in case you or a friend might need this in the future.

It instantly put me in a relaxed, receptive state. I was calm and at peace. It also helped that I had a very kind and loving team of professionals at Kaiser from the cashier to the anesthesiologist to the nurses. Kindness is everything! TLC IS medicine. They weren’t rushed or rude.

 

While I am letting go of my disappointment with my primary care physician I’m grateful for the care I’ve since received. I will echo my sentiments of my last e-mail that WE MUST BE ADVOCATES FOR OUR OWN HEALTH. We cannot give away our power. We cannot defer blindly to the profession which seeks to profit from our sickness rather than our health. WE must help ourselves and others whose voices might be ignored or diminished.

Our country would be a stronger, healthier, happier place with a greater respect for human life if we embraced universal health care like our neighbors to the North and like other civilized Western Countries. Our system is antiquated and oppressive. No one should have to pay to live. I think of my friend, Roger, whose brother died in his thirties because he couldn’t afford to go Urgent Care when he was sick. It makes me sick to think about.

After my last post I had Canadian friends and clients contact me and share with me how grateful they are for Canada’s free health care system. They feel proud at how their country has cared for them and their family members. I would like to have that same pride for America. Here’s an article from Health Affairs that shares how our country would benefit if we had Universal Health Care.  I don’t see this as a partisan issue. I see this as an American issue. I see this as a human rights issue.

As a self-employed person, healthcare is a huge expense. I thought I could get away with a Bronze plan last year. Now that I need to meet with an endocrinologist, have monthly lab tests, medication, bone scans, and such I’m going to need to get a better plan. I had the Bronze Plan. I started looking at the Silver Plan. The difference between Kaiser Silver and Gold is $20 a month, but one has a $2500 deductible and one has a $0 deductible. I also read that you might as well get a Gold plan because the cost difference is so minimal compared to what you get.

This is also your public service reminder to renew your coverage before the end of the year and really read the details on those plans. I’m curious to know what you’re paying for healthcare and how you feel about our current system. In 2020 I will likely look outside of Kaiser for other plans.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers and for your kindness and love. I felt it and I appreciate it.

So here’s another gift to you!

Monday I’m doing an interview with Practical Shaman, Renee Baribeau, which will have some great tips for conscious living and will be available to you for free as part of the Winter Solstice online I Am Symposium along with 17 other interviews with amazing women. Click here to register.

And here are some great ideas for holiday gifts that will empower and inspire you and your loved ones!

My award-winning, inspirational novel Behind Barbed Eyes available in

Audiobook on Audible

 
My new spiritual, self-help, book:
It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self
And as always if you’d like to purchase a coaching session or past life regression for yourself or for a gift please contact me directly at Davina@DavinaKotulski.com.
Happy Holidays!

It’s Never Too Late to Be Your Self

I took her arm as we climbed the steps of the Rialto Bridge. She was still getting used to her high heels. It was a beautiful spring evening in Venice, Italy. The warm night air was peppered with a crisp ocean breeze that drifted inland from the Adriatic. The lights from the ristorantes danced on the canals. We sat at a table alongside the Grand Canal, watching the gondoliers beckon tourists to glide across the mirrored water in their shiny black gondolas. She was dressed fashionably in a white blouse, black skirt, tights, and a shimmering pink Venetian scarf.

It was the first time in her life that Patricia had appeared openly as a woman.

It was also the first time she’d packed only women’s clothing for a trip. Having come to Italy to attend my Seduce Your Muse workshop, Patricia was publicly claiming and proclaiming that she was a woman who was ready to set herself free from the man’s body she had spent four decades hiding in. Through our work together, she had found the courage to free herself from society’s norms and her false identity as…

Click here to continue reading

7 tips to help you bring back to wholeness

Feeling scattered and stressed?

7  tips to help you bring back to wholeness.

1. Observe what’s going on around you as if you were watching a drama unfolding on TV. This is a way to get perspective and to respond, not react, to circumstances..

2. Find moments of stillness. Take time to rest, meditate, and simply sit still.

3. Slow down and do less.

4. Set boundaries. Say “no” when you mean “no.” Stop engaging in people pleasing behaviors or trying to do it all.

5. Enjoy simple moments. Instead of seeking spectacle and entertainment, enjoy simple moments of connection, a sunset, a good meal.

6. Breathe. Take slow deep breathes. Feel your feet firmly on the ground.

7. Connect with the natural elements. Light a candle. Go for a walk. Sit by a fountain.

Slow down and be someone who relishes the simple joys, focuses on loving thoughts of yourself and others, and speaks kindly and encouragingly to those you encounter.

Get Out of Town!

A few weeks ago I covered the windows of my home with blankets to keep the blazing summer sun out. L.A. in the summer is a concrete jungle and last week it was 112 in Los Angeles.

It got so hot the leaves burned and died on the trees. The ground was covered with dead leaves. It’s times like these I need to get out of town and get back to nature.

Being in nature is healing and helps us get back to our essence. We find ourselves feeling grounded in nature, calmer in nature, and more in touch with out authentic core in nature. Perhaps this is because nature has a timeless element.

Personally, I feel happiest and most alive in nature.

The ocean provides comforting rhythms as the tides roll in and out as they’ve been doing for thousands of years.

Mountain peaks and ancient forests give a sense of something greater than ourselves and the depressing news headlines of the day.

The smell of pine needles and the trickle of water from creeks or the rush of water as it flows down a river can lull us into a sweet peace. Many of us are able to relax and breathe easier in the wilds of nature, than in the controlled chaos of urban environments.

One reason for this is that the air in the mountains, at the beach, or near waterfalls also is filled with negative ions, odorless, tasteless molecules, that according to health writer, Denise Mann, are thought to “produce biochemical reactions that increase levels of the mood chemical serotonin, helping to alleviate depression, relieve stress, and boost our daytime energy.” [1] Thus, we can retreat to nature, with its anti-depressant qualities, to sort out what’s really important in our lives and allow ourselves to connect with our untamed hearts.

There are many reasons we feel calmer in natural settings. Nature is beautiful. Natural landscapes are easy on the eyes. The verdant green of the plants and trees, the colorful swatches of flowers, the healing energy in the rocks, and the glistening water makes us feel good. We experience the perfection of the Divine creation which can help us remember our own perfection. We also tend to slow down in nature and begin tapping into our own natural rhythms and pace.

If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself take a minimum of at least thirty minutes in a natural setting, preferably one that has a maximum of nature and a minimum of other people.

If you are in a time of serious soul searching or at a crossroads and need to make some big decisions, spend some significant time in nature. This will allow you to come back to yourself and get clarity on any challenges you are facing and make more grounded decisions.

[1] Negative Ions Create Positive Vibes, Denise Mann, WebMD

 

Be ridiculous!

No one had ever walked on the moon until Neil Armstrong did in 1969 changing how we viewed the world.

The idea of female astronauts seemed ridiculous to many people until Sally Ride traveled into space in 1983. Nine years later, Mae Jemison, became the first African American female astronaut to travel into space and work on the Space Lab. She says, “The best way to make dreams come true is to wake up.”

Are you ready to wake up and make your dreams come true?

Many people don’t go after their dreams because they give reality too much credit.

What do I mean?

Reality is a construct. It’s a limitation we put on ourselves.

No one imagined anyone could run a mile in 4 minutes until Roger Bannister did. Since Bannister accomplished this feat, thousands of other male runners have followed in Bannister’s footsteps. The current world record holder is Hicham el Guerouj who ran a mile in 3:43 minutes proving that existing limits can be broken.

Many people said they never imagined they’d see marriage equality in their lifetimes. I would say it was just that lack of imagination that slowed down the process. In the 1970s several same-sex couples began asking for marriage licenses at county clerk’s offices and filing law suits for the right to marry. However, it wasn’t until June 2015 that the United States Supreme Court finally ruled that same-sex couples had a constitutional right to marry. Why? Because it took that long for a majority of people to be able to see it as a reality.

As you may know, I was a passionate advocate for marriage equality. It was a dream of mine I was committed to bringing to life. I envisioned a world where LGBTQ people had the same right to the American dream as everyone else. The right to marry and have a family of their own creation. I was willing to work for that dream and help people envision that dream coming true.

When we envision creating something new in our lives or in the world and we work towards it we are creating with the Universe.

Our ability to imagine, believe and think outside the box of reality is what allows us to shift our perceptions of what’s possible and to shift the world!

Your dreams are important!

What dreams do you want to see come true?

Do you want to find love? Travel to other continents? Write a book? Start a business? Create a family? Retire early? Move to another city? Embark on a new career?

Don’t get caught up in the obstacles. Yes, there will be obstacles, but be unstoppable.

How?

  • Be willing to be ridiculous!
  • Be Bold
  • Dream big!
  • Have fun!
  • Believe in yourself.
  • Believe that your dreams can come true.
  • Be flexible.
  • Don’t give up.
  • Find someone whose made that dream come true?
  • Find someone whose succeeded in a similar venture?
  • Keep seeing your dreams come true. Visualize it.
  • Share your dreams with those who believe in you too!
  • Take the steps needed to move in the direction of your dreams.
  • Be ridiculous, audacious, brave and courageous!
  • Follow Your Heart!

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

In the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,

Bueller cautions us that “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

I agree. This is why I recommend mental health days, weekend getaways and vacations to my clients, including those that they take by themselves.

We are more present when we’re traveling. We are more awake. Our senses are heightened, so we are more connected to our body and less in our head.

As Bueller suggests we don’t want to miss our lives and getting out of our ruts/routines can allow us to see the world with fresh eyes. Traveling can shift our views of reality and what’s possible. Taking a vacation is literally about setting your self free.

Go on Vacation with Yourself

Once or twice a year, go on a vacation by yourself for at least two nights. Pick a destination you feel drawn to.  This is about enjoying unstructured time that you structure as you go. You should be completely free to determine your schedule.

During your vacation, do only what you want to do.

Don’t make any plans before arriving unless they are things you really want to do and that require advance planning. Otherwise, show up first and decide later. Don’t plan on meeting anyone. If you can swing it, limit your contact with loved ones to a “Yes, I’ve arrived” call and no more than daily emails to let people know you’re safe and so you know all’s well on the home front. There will be plenty of time to share when you return.

Get Yourself Out of Routine

The point is to get yourself out of your routine and disconnect you from social approval and social obligations, which will allow you to check in with yourself. This is your time to break free and listen to yourself—a time to tap into your internal compass. During your sojourn, listen to your intuition concerning what to do or not do, when to get up, when to go to sleep, when to eat, what to eat, and how to spend your time.

Bring a journal with you. Reading material is optional. If you do bring something to read, make sure it’s not going to distract you from connecting with yourself. If it’s something contemplative that allows you to go deeper within yourself, that’s perfect. If it’s someone else’s memoir, leave it behind unless it’s related to something you want to do.

Don’t drive unless you have to.

Driving keeps you in your head and out of your body and senses. In fact, many of us tend to go into trance states when we drive.  Take a train or a boat.

Create opportunities for walking so you can slow down and get into your own rhythm.

Walking will keep you more present. Meander, going wherever you feel like going. Give yourself lots of room to roam. Also, make sure there are places you can be out in nature, as well as places you can sit and be still, such as gardens, beaches, boardwalks, hiking trails, park benches, and outdoor cafes.

Get grounded.

The more grounded you are, the more connected you are to earth and your own body, the better.

On my trips to Italy, I wander through the streets to different squares and neighborhoods. Depending on my mood, I might stop at a café, or I might sit by a canal or the ocean, or in a quiet courtyard or garden. I give myself lots of time to just be, with no agenda except to feel the edges of myself and enjoy my own companionship.

We need time to be our own best friend, and we need time to be with this best friend because it creates solidity.