Forgive us our trespasses

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”—The Lord’s Prayer

One of the biggest obstacles to experiencing ourselves as the loving person we are is our inability to forgive ourselves. We feel guilt and shame for mistakes we’ve made. We beat ourselves up for situations we handled less skillfully than we might have wished. We incriminate ourselves for the people we’ve hurt—whether accidentally, unconsciously, or intentionally. To fully love yourself and unleash your courageous heart, you must be able to forgive yourself.

We also struggle with forgiving others. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed. Maybe someone hurt you, stole from you, lied to you, or was unfaithful to you. It may feel hard to forgive in such a situation. However, not forgiving will rob you of your energy and keep you stuck in the past. You won’t feel good or hopeful about life.

Not everything we approach openheartedly is going to work out as we expect.

Not everyone we open our heart to is going to treat us as we wish.

Most of us will experience disappointment in love, and likely we’ll disappoint others.

However, if we can trust that everything we go through is an opportunity to learn—an opportunity to know ourselves as the loving person we are, and hence to be compassionate to others, forgiving their mistakes and accepting their decisions as we would want them to do with us—then our load will be lighter and our path will be easier to walk.

25 Life Lessons with Davina

Dance like everyone’s watching and they like what they see.

Sing like you’re a top 40 artist. Belt it out and have fun!

Make love and amazing meals.

Cherish your beloved, your friends, family and community.

Lend a hand when you can.

Do the right thing even if it looks wrong to others.

Apologize when you’re wrong.

Dream big and take risks. Don’t be afraid to put your heart out there or to fail.

Love out loud. Say it, don’t hold back.

Be a sappy, romantic, fool sometimes.

Don’t do other people’s work for them.

Let life be easy like slipping into a warm jacuzzi.

Skip, go for walks, be in nature.

Do things that scare you, but don’t be reckless with your life or others.

Forgive, forgive, forgive. Forgive yourself too.

Give people second chances.

Sit under the stars, watch the sunset.

Wake up early and watch the sunrise.

Sit by the fire and remember your Essence.

Remember to smile and say, “good morning.”

Learn other languages, especially learn as multiple ways to say, “hello,” “thank you,” “please,” and “good morning.”

Be an ambassador of human kindness.

Meditate, journal, read, learn new things.

Go to the farmers market and give thanks to the people who grow your food.

Take time to be alone and enjoy your own company.

Love yourself.

Follow Your Heart!

One year my inner gypsy awakened and I wanted to learn how to dance the male parts of the flamenco.  I was drawn to the music, to the flair, and to the strong rhythmic beats. While, I didn’t suddenly feel called to put on a bright red polka-dotted dress and wear a flower in my hair—if I had, I would have!

Answering this call of my heart took me to Sevilla, Spain, where I witnessed some of the world’s best Flamenco dancers boldly take the stage, mesmerizing audiences with their sensual moves and fierce foot stomping and stamping.

It was a gruelingly hot summer night in Teatro El Gallo (The Rooster).

The blades of the box fans scattered throughout the theater whirred on high in a futile attempt to cool the patrons. Seated in the front row, I more than once felt the spray of sweat coming off the feverish bodies of Flamenco dancers proudly pounding out bohemian cadences from faraway times.

My heart pounded in my chest, my soul awakened by these ancient rhythms with a deep longing, a nomadic desire to wander, to embrace life’s passion, to savor each moment.

I silently vowed to myself that I would ensure that my life was colorful—that there was life in my life.

The decision to follow my heart to Sevilla helped me make a deeper commitment to myself to be authentic, bold, fully engaged.

The next year I traveled to Venice for three weeks, to begin writing a novel. Let’s just say I didn’t know anyone at that time that would take a three week vacation to Europe to write a novel. Everything about that was audacious in my life at the time.

Authenticity is audacious!

During my visit I had a great time imagining the scenes unfolding in the various campos and canals.

As part of my research, I met with Shaul Bassi, a writer and professor of literature at the University of Venice. I had come across his name on an article and sent him an email.  He agreed to meet with me over cappuccino. Thank goodness, he spoke English. He was only one of three people I was able to converse with during the entire three weeks.

“All our dreams can come true,” said Walt Disney, “if we have the courage to pursue them.”

I had no idea that meeting with Shaul would prove to be a date with destiny. Thanks to him, two years later I was back in Venice on an all-expenses-paid trip to study Italian culture and the Jews of Venice (the topic of my novel).

Following my heart had paid off in spades. I had a month in 2008 to continue writing my novel, as well as to meet new friends and experts on Italian art, Yiddish, the Venetian Jewish Ghetto, and Italian music.

One morning, I walked the labyrinth of cobblestone streets flanked by high walls with cascading trumpet vines, their reddish-orange flowers drinking in the sunshine.

The still waters of the canals, occasionally rippling like a movie’s dream sequence, added to the surreal radiance, mirroring back the beauty of this ancient city.

The echoing voices of an angelic choir flooded my ears as Palestrina’s 16th Century Magnificat Primi Toni played on my iPod.

Seduced by the hauntingly familiar tones, the magnificence of this Renaissance city, and the warm sun on my skin, I breathed in the damp air and my heart wept tears of joy as my soul celebrated.

Emerging from the narrow streets into the middle of the spacious campo, I longed to spin in circles like a whirling dervish taking in the divine opulence of the moment—a complex merger of humanity’s best offering with the exquisite marvels of the divine.

Yes, I was following my heart.

Three years after this, I returned to lead my first Seduce Your Muse™ creative writing retreat.

All  of this unfolded because I followed my heart in the first place.

You never know where your heart will lead you.

When you feel the tug of your heart or hear a call from your soul, follow.

Let the path of your heart unfold!

Wholeness

Lately, I’ve heard people expressing that they feel fragmented beyond belief which is an interesting synchronicity since my theme for December is wholeness.
With the fires in Southern California, the devastation from the hurricanes, the unknown with every aspect of our government, the daily news about sexual harassment, and of course good old holiday stress, many people feel scattered or like their life is falling to pieces.
There’s a Jewish phrase,  Tikkun Olam, which means bringing the scattered pieces of life back together, literally repair of the world,  to make ourselves and the world whole.
But you make ask:
How can we be whole with all of this uncertainty?
How can we be whole when our things are in a box ready to evacuate?
How can we be whole when our houses have been blown down or burnt to the ground?
How can we be whole in the midst of medical challenges, relationship endings, family chaos, joblessness, political unrest and upheaval?
Here are 9 helpful tips to help you bring back your scattered pieces. 
1. We can be whole by taking a step back and embracing witness consciousness.
Observe what’s going on around you as if you were watching a drama unfolding on TV or as if the events and people were character’s in a book. This is a way to get perspective. It is not intended to disconnect you from empathy, or for you to deny or repress your feelings. It’s a way for you to look at the bigger picture.
2. We can be whole by finding moments of stillness.
Take time to rest, meditate, and simply sit still.
3. We can be whole by doing less.
How many times do we try to do too much? Take on too much? Say ‘yes’ to too much to make others happy?
4. We can be whole by slowing down.
When we slow down, we give others permission to slow down. We can teach our children to be with what is, rather than feeding their ’empty ghosts’ which are constantly seeking distraction and craving something to fill the empty spaces.
5. We can be whole by refraining from self-negating people pleasing behaviors.
Stop trying to impress everyone and stop trying to please an ego that will find fault no matter what we or others do.
 
6. We can be whole by enjoying simple moments of joy.
Bright lights and greater spurts of adrenaline producing activities are addictive and do nothing to connect us to our authentic selves. Instead of seeking spectacle and bigger productions of entertainment, enjoy simple moments of connection, laughter, a sunset, a good meal.
7. We can be whole by coming back to our breath and our bodies.
Taking slow deep breathes. Feeling our feet firmly on the ground. Lighting a candle
and connecting with the natural elements. Going for a walk in the woods or along the beach. Sitting by a lake, a stream, or a fountain and hearing the soothing sounds of water.
8. We can be whole by taking a time out.
We need time and space to restore ourselves. We need time to bring ourselves back together again. We need to say ‘no’ sometimes to others requests of us and ‘yes’ to our sanity and health.
9. We can be whole by being kind to ourselves and others.
This means speaking more gently to others. This means loving self-talk.
Bring the good cheer this holiday season, by slowing down and being someone who relishes the simple joys, focuses on loving thoughts of yourself and others, and speaks kindly and encouragingly to those you encounter.

 

Sign up now for your FREE GIFT.
Claim your virtual seat at the I AM Symposium.
Join me and 21 other wisdom leaders for a celebration of solstice, bringing back the light and shamanic wisdom. Register now!

 

What are you holding on to that no longer serves you?

Are you still holding on to things that no longer serve you?

Often we outgrow things, yet we have a tendency to want to hold on to them even when they are no longer useful, or even good for us.

Who hasn’t kept an article of clothing that no longer fits or is out of style?  Perhaps you have an item of furniture around that’s like Fraser’s Dad’s chair, duct-taped and well-worn, but a part of a past that no longer fits your present.

My Dad loves to tell the story of how he persuaded me to give up my pacifier to a horse who needed it more than me. I have always loved horses and at the tender age of two, I thought I was doing  a good deed by gifting my pacifier to the chestnut mare. Apparently, he also said he’d get me a swing set if I did. Seems like a pretty good trade to me still.

I gave up the pacifier and never looked back.

Where in your life are you holding on to things that are like security blankets or pacifiers that offer no real value, they simply keep you stuck or comfortable?

What are you holding on to that is holding you back, cluttering your mental and physical space, and keeping you from moving forward in your life?

Is it a job, a relationship, a way of being, an addiction?

Invitation:  

Today take an inventory of some aspect of your life and let go of something that no longer serves you.

Walking through fear and fire!

I walked on fire for the first time in 1999 at Tony Robbins’ “Unleash the Power Within” Seminar in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I was terrified!

Today, I can boast that I’m a four-time fire-walker, including walking a 40 foot fire-walk in Hawaii at Tony’s “Life Mastery Workshop” in 2000.

There is nothing like fire-walking!!!

Our brains are designed to fear fire and our bodies learn early on not to touch it. That’s why walking on fire is so powerful!

The fire-walk is a show of courage over circumstance, to not let fear stop you from moving forward in your life.

How often do you get stopped from taking action in your life because you are afraid?

We are afraid of failing, looking stupid, making a mistake. Our fear can keep us stuck, our fear can keep us from going after our dreams or from making positive changes in our life.

Not everyone needs to literally walk on hot coals to know that they can overcome their fears, but it sure feels awesome to do it! And if you don’t believe me, ask Oprah!

For some people, finding the courage to speak their truth is their fire-walk. I have several amazing clients who realized that the reason they never felt like they “fit in” was because they had been born into a body that did not reflect  their gender. For these brave souls, their fire-walk was dressing and expressing themselves authentically.

For others, their proverbial fire-walk, might be coming out about some other personal truth.  I’ve had several clients who had to muster the courage to tell their parents or partners something they feared they would be judged or rejected for.

For some, a fire-walk might be leaving a professional career to pursue an artistic endeavor, ending a relationship, following a spiritual calling or traveling internationally.

Every one of us has some growth edge, some place where we are hiding or holding back and afraid to step forward into our authentic selves or a greater expression of who we are.

What is your fire-walk and will you take that first step?

Hey Beautiful! Yes, I’m talking to you!

Happy Pride!  It’s time to celebrate our diversity!

When we are proud of who we are, and the beautiful beings Spirit created us to be, not only are we fabulous, we are irresistible!That’s right whatever our sexual orientation, gender, race, color, creed, body size or shape, we are beautiful and equally worthy of life’s goodness.

So, take pride in your unique beauty and the way you light up the world with your unique gifts, talents and essence.

This isn’t always easy. I know. As a gender diverse individual, I sometimes fall prey to comparing myself to others and struggle with recognizing my own unique beauty too. Times like these I have to stop and turn down the volume on that mean 8th grade girl that lives in my head and judges me and turn the self-love up.

And please don’t waste your time resisting other people’s judgement or nastiness, because what we resist persists. Instead, just tune into your self-love and pump up the volume. Take pride in you!

Below you will find links to my interviews on Understanding LGBTQ and Coming Out and the recent advances for same-sex Marriage in Taiwan with Apple Daily, an International Chinese Media Outlet reaching thousands of Chinese people around the world!
xoxo
Davina

Congratulations Taiwan!

 

 

Memorial Day

It is Memorial Day, a day when we mourn those we’ve lost. My most recent loss was that of my pet companion, Harvey Milk. Harvey came to me as an 8 week old kitten. He crawled onto to my arm while I was carving a pumpkin at a friend’s house, nestled in and fell asleep. It was like he was claiming me. I already had two cats I loved at the time, but Harvey stole my heart.

Harvey was a difficult cat. He was ornery and he had a maddening habit or urinating on everything and I mean everything. I can’t tell you how many of my coveted records and books I had to throw out, shoes, even a toaster oven.

But Harvey was wise. He taught me not to be too attached to things.
Some people who knew of Harvey’s penchant for pissing on things would tell me to get rid of him. But Harvey was my soulmate, my friend, my fur son, he was not something to get rid of. He taught me patience. Those of you who have human children know all about this.

Harvey was unconditionally loving and he showed me that I could love unconditionally. He was my safe space through life’s trials and tribulations. Those of you with animal companions know the greatest gift they give us is that total unconditional love they have for us.

Harvey was also the one being in my life who I could open my heart to completely. I didn’t need to be defended with him. We may find ourselves still holding back and protective of our hearts even with those people in our lives we love the most, but with animal companions we can love them with an open and undefended heart.

I miss Harvey. There’s a quiet absence in my home and in my heart. There’s even a bit of loss of direction and meaning in my life and a sadness for the loss of love that he gave me and that I got to give him.

My heart goes out to those of you who are grieving loved ones and feeling that loss of direction and meaning. I hope you find meaningful ways to honor the memory of your loved one. I also hope you find a way to honor your feelings of loss and care for yourself. Please let yourself feel the grief. There are 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Don’t judge or deny your feelings. Let your tears pour forth as reminders of the love and moments you shared together.

Travel is my pathway to freedom and nature is my spiritual temple.

Travel is my pathway to freedom and nature is my spiritual temple where I connect with the beauty of life. Breathtaking sunrises and sunsets thrilled me in Baja Mexico where I spent a long weekend in early March with my dad and step-mom. If you’d like to see more on the beauty click to my Instagram.

Laurel Bookstore Reading of Behind Barbed Eyes

We had a wonderful show out to the

reading of Behind Barbed Eyes
at the new Laurel Bookstore in Oakland, CA where I got to see many Bay Area friends and marriage equality activists who I’ve missed so much since I relocated to Los Angeles almost five years ago. People loved the readings, though I struggled to act out all the parts with a cast of one. LOL!

We also discussed how to provide more mental health and healing services to reduce incarceration.

Here’s the most recent 5 star review of Behind Barbed Eyes from a reader in Boulder, Co.

“This story took me by surprise… I loved the multiple story lines and how they were intertwined, I was impressed with how details were kept back until they could be unveiled in a real impactful way. This book is a really good read and while not autobiographical, it’s definitely based on experience and the reality of prison life.”

If you’ve read the book I’d love it if you’d review the book on Good Reads and/or Amazon. Every review counts. Thanks in advance!

You can still get a signed copy from me or you can get your copy of the novel from Amazon, B&N or IndieBound.

Convergence Healing Meets Courageous Heart

Last month I was the featured speaker on the Convergence Healing Podcast with Peter Bedard on Healing Shame and Being True to Yourself.

Peter says, “I’m so excited to share the work of the super cool Dr. Davina Kotulski! If you’ve ever wanted to heal shame, raise your vibration, and learn about Affirmative Prayer then listen up!”

The Courage to Be the Author of Your Life

The Courage to Be the Author of Your Life

When I was in classes to become a New Thought/Science of Mind spiritual practitioner one of our assignments was to write our eulogy and perform our memorial service. It was a powerful exercise as we were being asked to consider our legacy, how we wanted to be remembered, and the memories we wanted to leave behind. We were reminded that we were ultimately authoring our lives or what was left of it and we had important choices to make.

It was a beautiful opportunity to gain clarity on what really mattered to us and to touch the courage we needed to make a commitment to get our lives in alignment with our higher selves.

Time flies by quickly.

Like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end the faster it goes. If we are not intentionally designing our life, some asshole is going to take the duration of our years and unceremoniously flush them down the toilet. Do you want that?

If you don’t want that, you must choose to become the author of your life. You must courageously step up and away from the TV, Facebook, dysfunctional friend or family member, or whatever mind-numbing time suck you lose yourself in and decide what direction you want to take your life.

If your life was a book what genre would it be? Comedy, Drama, Tragic Comedy, Romance, True Crime, Inspirational?

What kind of book do you want your life to be?

Where does your heroine/hero want to go? What does s/he want to do? What difference does s/he want to make in her/his life and the lives of others? What obstacles does s/he need to overcome? Why should we root for this person?

You matter. Your life matters. It’s time to stop playing small and letting life happen to you. It’s time to be courageous and become the author of your life.

There are many ways to be courageous.

Being true to yourself.

Following your dreams.

Helping others.

Making a difference in the world.

Doing something new.

Walking your authentic path.

Expressing yourself and your individuality.

How will you be courageous in 2017?

Check out my new program Follow your Courageous Heart: A 90 Day Journey Beyond Fear to Fulfillment. 

 

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